What I wish I could go back and tell my 20 year old self
On the eve of my birthday week, I have been thinking a lot lately about me as a younger woman and all the things I’d love to go back and tell her.
There’s something to be said for hindsight and the ability to have wisdom based off life experience, but sometimes it would be nice to go back and tell your younger self the things you’ve learned.
Here’s what I would say to her:
You still have time…
When I was younger, I worried so much about already being too late with everything.
It was like I felt I was already too late to have a career (at 20!).
And that because I felt I didn’t make the right decision to leave school early (or so I thought), that it was all over for me.
I resigned myself that I would never be successful.
All of this - as I now know - was just completely incorrect thinking and a product of industrial-era conditioning around becoming educated straight out of school and walking into your dream job (for the next 45+ years…..boring!).
The best thing about being young is that time really is on your side.
No one is coming to give you permission
You can’t wait for someone else to provide you with the validation or affirmation you seek before chasing your dreams.
Nobody will EVER be as invested as you are in your life and that’s the way it should be.
This is YOUR life and you get to live it and be whomever you choose. Bring forth that light of yours, the world needs your sparkle.
If I could get my younger self to understand only one thing, this would be it. 👆🏻
I would grab her by the shoulders and tell her to chase after her dreams with everything she’s got, and that all of the knowledge and wisdom she is seeking before taking the leap is already innately within.
She will be ok.
Anything you fear is in your head
If you can overcome this hurdle, you have nearly all but removed the barriers to doing anything your heart desires. Success is already within grasp.
Everything will always feel so much bigger in your head than it is when you encounter it in real life.
The majority of those you fear, or the situations you are terrified of, will never materialise.
People will always be so much more supportive than you expect and especially more so when you open up and share your vulnerability with them.
Being vulnerable is a strength of the best kind
Vulnerability can break through the iciest of confrontations and drop barriers in minutes if we are brave enough to go for it.
But when it comes to matters of the heart, chose wisely who you share your innermost self with. Not everyone deserves to be within the boundaries of your most sacred self and that area should be reserved for the few who earn your trust and respect.
You will meet some life-changing people on your journey
And some of those people will only be in your life for a reason, or a season.
It can hurt when they leave, but time will provide you with the lessons they were here to teach you. You will be forever grateful for every one of them as they have shaped the fabric of your story.
Some of the people who will transform your life will do so completely unintentionally and with little fanfare, but the impact on you will be astronomical.
Take note of those moments and treasure the experience as you grow in the wisdom.
(And there will also be some people who will provide you with experiences that give you enough comic gold to mine for the rest of your life.)
Trust in the divine plan and universal timing
There are no coincidences in life.
Everything is part of a divine plan that we have no true concept of.
We can script all we like but there will always be an overriding flow we need to go with.
To resist this is a recipe for disaster and internal struggle.
And if we try to understand why bad things happen to some, and good to others, it will be a mental knot that cannot be unravelled. Try not to waste too much time on this as it will lead to a fruitless search.
Trusting in life completely is *everything* and it will flow more beautifully because of it.
Focus on your values and strengths
These are your most valuable assets and if you can invest your time and energy into developing and honing these, you will be light years ahead of the game.
Full integrity can only be found by living in alignment with your truest self and not trying to be like others.
Formal education will never outweigh life experience
You will meet and work with a lot of “smart” people in your life.
They look great on the books but when it comes to being street wise and emotionally intelligent, there are some skills that are seriously lacking.
Your own street-smarts will come with time and acute self awareness, and the best thing anyone can do when they are young is to get a dishwashing job to learn work ethic and being on time by a boss who constantly says “you’re late” when you’re actually 10 mins early.
Your voice matters
What you bring to the conversation is much different to those around you and they will take notice.
Have the courage to speak up and speak your truth with conviction.
Share your thoughts freely.
You know more than you realise.
Kindness and gratitude are two of the most important pillars of joy
Kindness for self and others is both an outward and inward expression, and gratitude is the same.
Both are essential to mental wellness and your humanity. Practice these daily and in every moment you can.
Your future self will love you for it.
Until next time!
Valli x
PS - As always is the case with me in real life as well, please feel free to ask me any questions in relation to the above post because I genuinely love to help people work on being their best selves. Don’t be shy!
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